Remembering Our Children

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When to Seek Help

Concerns often expressed by people who are grieving are: “Is how I am feeling normal?” “Should I be doing something different?” “How do I know if I am okay?” “Do I need help?” These are all valid concerns and living with them in silence can be very difficult.
Grieving often becomes complicated by a history of multiple losses. If our past losses have not been adequately addressed there may be problems with grieving the present loss. In that case, it might be necessary to work through the other losses before being able to mourn the present loss. If you have any questions or worries about how you are feeling or what you are doing it is a good idea to talk about it, if for no other reason than for peace of mind.
Below are some of the signs that may identify a problem if they persist longer or are more intense than feels appropriate:
*If grief does not change—this does not mean you will no longer be in pain, but the pain should have ebbs and flows to it.
*Persistent low self-esteem.
*Reliance on alcohol and/or drugs.
*Exaggerated grief reactions—inability to stop crying.
*Difficulty accomplishing everyday tasks after a prolonged period.
*Sleep disturbances.
*Significant weight loss or gain.
*A sense of total despair that does not cease.
*Constant thoughts of or attempts at suicide.
*Persistent and consuming thoughts and dreams about the person who has died.
*Chronic anxiety and/or panic attacks.
It is normal to experience any or all of these at one time or another. A problem exists if these behaviors result in blocking the grieving process or acceptance of the loss. If that is the case, professionals may be able to help in promoting healing and facilitating the acceptance process.

Article contributed by Dr. Kate Eastman, Psy.D, LCSW and Dr. Elizabeth Samenfeld-Spect, MA, LCPC, LAMFT from The Jason Program, a pediatric palliative care program located in Maine. www.jasonprogram.org