| |
Remembering Our Children
[ Printer friendly version ]
A Special Sorrow
“When a parent dies, you have lost your past. When a child dies, you have lost your future.”
“All living things have lifetimes. There is a beginning and ending for everything that is alive. And in between is living.”
These touching words come from Lifetimes: A Beautiful way to explain Death to children by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen, a lovely book which offers parents and children a simple wisdom that sometimes things go wrong through sickness, injury, or age and plants and creatures and yes even children die...
Regardless of the length of the child’s life or their illness, it is their own unique lifetime, one worth honoring and celebrating even in the midst of grief when they die so young. The death of an infant or child is a special sorrow, one that is not easily spoken of in words with friends or family, in public or even in private. Yet this deep sorrow when a child dies makes a lasting impact on those who prepared with hope and love for this special child to arrive. These brief lives leave an enormous void, an empty space in the hearts that survive. As fellow companions along the journey of life we need to reach out and help those who have this tragedy in their lives.
There is nothing that truly prepares parents for the anticipated or actual death of a child. Who will be there at their side to process the news, to listen to their expressions of shock and fear? Who will take the time to listen, to be there in silence with them as they mourn the hopes and dreams of the lifetime they envisioned with their child? Who will be there to help them to say “goodbye” when what they had planned to say was “welcome to our family”? It could be a friend, a spouse, a relative, it could be you.
“Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, Hope too can come only from other human beings.” Eli Weisel
When a child dies there are things we can do to alleviate the isolation and paralyzing emotions experienced by parents and family members. We can start by conveying a sincere expression of empathy rather than simply doing nothing out of our own distress and discomfort. We can organize meals, sitters, etc that can help relieve the grieving parents’ day to day burdens as they strive to regain some sense of balance and a new “normalcy.”
Grieving parents often become isolated because friends do not feel they can “handle” the grief and sadness. Imagine thinking our discomfort comes close to what parents feel. Just be there. Even in the silence together with them expresses deep concern and care, a willingness to tolerate the discomfort for their sake. When we help bear one another’s burden and sorrow it can be lightened.
Remember that grief has no timeline.
The world returns to its routine so quickly and at a far different pace than most parents/ family members can adjust to. Work, family, and community and church must make efforts to work to create safety net beneath these fragile mourners as they slowly reconnect with life around them in a changed way. Tragic things can happen to any one of us and we are all better for having reached out a hand to those who experience it before or after we do. Reach out- they are counting on you being there when they fall to help them get back up.
Article contributed by Liz Sumner, RN BSN
Children's Hospice & Palliative Care Coalition www.ChildrensHospice.Org
If you could spare us a moment of your time...
We are working to make sure that families receive ongoing
family-centered care from the point of diagnosis and throughout the course
of treatment. We would appreciate it if you would take a few moments to
assist us in our efforts to better support families like yours, by filling
out this quick survey.
Take the Survey |
|
|
